
The flash by Gabriel Picolo is amazing!
ps: guys, like any writer i’m a slut for feedback. I am infinitely worse and needy if you read the original fic stuff- mostly because there’s no mutual canon safety net to fall back to.
*now off to search for a sufficient offer of bait to award someone to leave commentary, knowing it’s a fool’s errand*
stretching the creaking writing muscles, posting bits of the original fic stuff (that slush pile of ideas and AUs for canons I don’t want to officially play with, so I blend them into a more ‘generic fantasy’ world,
master-tagged: that dumb rose story
).
Tried to make it more or less understandable as a standalone, but is a bit of a sequel to this bit with the werewolf boy. Story within a story, hopefully funny towards the end. It’s long, so breaking it into parts.
…
“Boy, get up here!”
The stretch of road ran through semi-arable land, too dry for crops and only a few scattered trees, but the barrier-markers were well-tended and thick with green moss, so towns could not be far off if the cleansings were applied so frequently. There were the sounds of bleating goats in the distance, even if the animals or their shepherds were not visible, and at least one bird hidden in the grass or perched in one of the distant trees was making a valiant effort to fill the quiet with song. Aside from their party, the road was deserted. The sense of calm isolation fit their mood. Gael was asleep in the cart, covered in a blanket that covered all but the top of their head and one pale arm curled around in the pose used for sculptures for displays of extreme grief. With the bandages around their fingers and the lingering scent of the poultices that Great Lady Manon had applied to their wounds, it was a disconcerting image, but Gael’s sleep seemed untroubled, and with their injuries they needed the uninterrupted rest for healing. Rohese knew her feelings of guilt were excessive, and Gael would be the first to reprimand her for them, but of their group, one needed more reassurance.
Amabel called Gislin to climb up onto the gently rocking cart, patting at the cleared spot she made for him on the chest in the back of the vehicle. “Come talk with me, boy. Rest your feet.” The young man dropped his eyes, mumbling some unintelligible words about how unnecessary it was for him to break from walking, even if the rest of their party was riding astride a horse or on the cart. He pulled at the corners of his mouth in what was intended to be one of his customary blindingly wide smiles, but the effort failed. Amabel tapped again the seat next to her, calling as one did a cat. “Get up here, Gislin.” The tapping gesture definitely transformed into a pounding noise. “I shan’t shout to you, and I’ve not the leg strength to walk this awful road. Why ever did I think it a good idea to come this far into the Rim? Aie, the words I would yell at my younger self – I thought I left such stupid decisions behind me two hundred years ago. Now stop skulking and join me. I have a story to tell you.”
Gislin hesitated. “Gael is the one to like stories. Perhaps you can wait until they wake and tell them.”
“No,” Amabel snapped. “This is for you.”
At the front of the cart, Urwin snorted and pulled at the large straw hat that he had taken to hide his facial scars, flicking the reins. The irascible cart horse ignored Urwin, making no effort to increase its pace.
Gislin sighed and jogged up to the cart. With a lurch he pulled himself up to sit next to Amabel, accidentally stepping on the hem of her long gown and skinning his elbow against the wood. As he hissed and inspected the red welt across his arm, Amabel swatted him. “That will heal quick if you let it. Especially if you transform.”
“I don’t want to,” Gislin muttered, leaning away from the woman.
“It’s not a taint-gift, not as you humans understand it. Not like Urwin’s houndfeet or all the gifts of your friend Tadeo. Not the bear-strength or cat-quick wits. Not even the greensleeve summoning.” Amabel spoke with the firm confidence of a village grandmother, one who would never be cowed or convinced of their error, the type of old woman that was the terror of all her living relatives and feared by those dead for the inevitable day when she would reunite with them. Gislin could easily imagine a mass of wrinkles across her face and her chestnut hair turned gray. It helped that Amabel’s accent was faintly old-fashioned, her vowels periodically different enough to confuse what word she meant to say. “I saw the color of your fur and tasted the scent of star maidens when you transformed, and that means the Mirror Realm, boy, and not just the byproduct of tainted land magic. Not with that cinnabar shade. Stop your shame; you have no call for it. Godswolf on one side you must be, and from what you’ve shared of your history, likely it was your mother. That’s common enough, though people be surprised, how often one of the Wolves go looking for a lover or companions out in the Rim. Part of their nature, it is. One of the reasons the gods’ voices stopped sending as many envoys to this mortal side, to halt the influx back. Oh, the priests say otherwise, and there’s been some horrible complications and unintended consequences.” Here was where Urwin made a dreadfully prolonged choking noise, and Amabel turned around to glare at the ex-priest. “I’m talking to the boy. Listen in if you must, but stay quiet,” she snapped.
Urwin whispered the phrase ‘Pure Ones’, which scared Gislin, but then Amabel grabbed the young man’s hand and pulled his attention back to her.
“Let me tell you of the first family I worked for, before I joined my apostate lady and got banished.”
Rohese interrupted with a shout, “But you are no longer banished, correct? Lady Amabel?”
The older woman turned around in her seat to holler to the riders leading the cart. “I’ve made my amends, fret not. I’ll take you all the way to the Sun Throne and the Door of the Rat Queen myself with clean credentials if we need you, as long as you don’t lose that Key.”
“But we won’t need to go that far,” Gislin said nervously. “Not even all the way to the shore, if we can find the right help.”
“Yes,” Amabel said. “And if that Key is what I think it is, a GodsWolf has already been dispatched to fetch it. So likely soon you’ll meet one of the real ones, and know what a runt you are.”
Gislin’s four-legged form, when he allowed the mercury-bright feeling under his skin to come forth and his bones to twist, was only a foot or so shorter than an elephant, so this statement was not reassuring.
“You worked for a family?”
“As well, much like an apprentice and a housemaid for a princess. Training to be a proper travelling companion for a star maiden, the highest of the Thrice-born. Oh, they have nobles just like you have on this side of the Mirror Sea. Not exactly the same, and some choose to stay on this side, just ocean-side, you see…ah? You know my true nature, Gislin?”
“Mermaid, you showed us back in the river. Though you didn’t have any fish scales on your tail, not at all like the images in the books. And I still don’t understand how you can also be one of the winged messengers.”
“Because we are. Not all. But when we cross the barrier, it is wings on one side and flukes the other. Most that prefer flying stay in the Mirror Realm, and those that like swimming stay in the ocean around the barrier to guard it. It’s part of the reason we call that the Mirror Realm, for all that becomes inverted when you cross without using the Doors of the Rat Queen. Rarely do my people like both forms, so we choose one or the other. I cannot stand not having fingers, even temporarily, so I’m glad my family was one that stayed on this side of the barrier, even if the air stinks of corruption, and it’s more dangerous a home to make. But when I was your age, my family sent me to study. It was a very prestigious opportunity for me.” Amabel smiled, and the hint of condescension that she showed to even Great Lady Manon in the corners of her grins and upturned eyes was beginning to display its roots.
“So, boy, this lord of the family I ventured forth to serve, under great effort from my family to afford my introduction and passage, was one of those fair powerful enough that you’d call him a king. He ruled over many of the islands closest to the barrier circle, on the side compass-aligned to this shore. It’s near impossible for your ships to reach these islands in the Navel of the World, unless they have greensleeve pilots, so I have no reservations telling you of their secrets. There are multiple kingdoms out in the ocean, especially since the Thrice-born felt it best to leave this world and people to their own devices and rarely venture outside of the Mirror Realm. Foul business that has caused- though listen to the old stories and see how the alternative was not much an improvement. Fewer dust armies, for one. But my king- a great man. More worthy of respect than the human emperor you lot have. And if you count the seas around his islands, as we do, and not just the islands, he ruled more than many of your Great Lords, if not the number of people. And his terrority had long been rivals with a smaller group of islands further north. Disputes over trade routes – don’t be surprised! People are people everywhere, even in the Land of the Dead. So, King Isore, he was like you, Gislin. Half. Father was human, some fisherman or shoreman, and his mother of the highest nobles of my people, one with more than a little Godswolf in her heritage. We will intermarry, though they’re such a pack of pricks I don’t see the appeal. You’re sweet though.” Amabel patted Gislin atop his head. “She took her son back, after he had grown, and he inherited the islands and the surrounding oceans. You’d never know he wasn’t full, unless he crossed the barrier and didn’t transform. Could only will forth the tail flukes, but he got some of those forest-taint powers so he was frightfully strong. That scared the warlord neighbor – now there was a bastard that delighted in sinking your human ships. A treaty had been brokered back before Isopa scampered off to betrothe their daughter to her eldest son, and was kept even after Isopa was forced to return to take over duties from her father when he died and the one warlord of the Seal Rocks was deposed by one of his warriors. Nivel didn’t want to lose that opportunity, so he kept old Rosser’s daughters as wards.” Amabel paused. “You look confused.”
Gislin shrugged his shoulders. “You are using these names; I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“And yet you can name the six families that hold electorate privileges to chose your Emperor, if that is not confusing enough,” Amabel said with an eyeroll.
“And two votes held by the priesthood,” Gislin chimed.
“Of which my family had been one,” Urwin almost said, but held his tongue, pretending that he was not closely listening along to this conversation.
Amabel sighed and shoved out her gown with spayed fingers. Looking down at her lap, she began to draw a map with the gestures of her fingers across the taunt blue wool. “In the mists of the ocean near the Navel of the World are the island chains of my people, atop mountains that rise from the ocean floor. Greatest of these is Iro. A string of islands clustered like grapes. The wind is constant above the water, and the trees that grow are small and with wood soft and white. Nothing like your home. Coral of every color grows in the shallows, and the weather is always warm. The sand is multicolored against the black of the stone, glittering like jewels. No kingdom of the sea is more beautiful than Iro. The palace is on the largest island.” Amabel ran her thumb in a tight spiral shape and tapped back and forth, as if she was drawing the shapes of mazes and towers in a bed of sand.
“Now, Isopa was the king’s only daughter, and she had a son with a human who found her washed on the mortal shores after a great battle in which she defeated a sea serpent that was terrorizing his village. He nursed her back to health, she gave him a son to raise; that son was Isore. A very romantic story, the tale was popular in ballads in the shore regions when I first came ashore. Gael might still know of them.” A sly look Amabel gave to Gislin, analyzing his face for any shifts in expression. “Familiar this sounds to you?”
“A bit,” Gislin mumbled. He had never learned the story of how his father, a fisher of shrimp on the flat beaches of his birth town, a peasant with a horse, net, and a single room hut, had attracted a wife that could turn into a wolf.
“But Isopa’s father grew ill, and she had to return to Iro to rule, though she wished not. Her people and king demanded that she marry and produce an heir. They would not accept her bastard child. Isore was left behind, and he grew believing his mother had undesired him.” Amabel balled her hands into fists, the nails of her uncovered thumbs thickening into the yellow claws. Gislin wrinkled his nose at the sharp transformation of her scent. “She had to marry a foul man named Courmene and bore a second son, Res.”
“It troubles me to hear the behavior of forced marriages is in practice even among the messengers of the gods,” Manon said gravely.
Amabel shrugged. Her hands had returned to their soft skin, her scent human-like once more. “It is not common, not as it is for you human nobles. Now,” Amabel jabbed a finger into her lap, “to the northwest is the Seal Rock Islands. Barren islands for the most part. Rosser was ruler when Isopa was crowned, and he had two infant daughters, a pair of twins. Gartrite and Hirie, but everyone called them Gara and Hira. Or Garabel and Hirabel. Garabel was the elder, and the one promised in treaty to marry the heir of Iro to broker a peace treaty. The Seal Rocks is no better than a pirate den, and back when my ladies were only a few years old, Nivel usurped rule of those islands. Because the conflict limited itself to short internal strife, and how it is common for the Seal Rocks to replace their warlord in duels every few years, none of the other islands got involved, and Garabel remained betrothed to Isopa’s son.”
“Which would have been Res, not Isore?” Gislin asked to clarify.
“The wording stated that it be Isopa’s heir, and she always maintained that was her eldest son. Which pleased not her husband, and they fought often. Isopa had not been popular, not in Iro. Famed for her physical beauty, admired for her one action of physical strength. But not listened to, not thought of as clever or considerate or dedicated or strong. Finally the worst happened – though I confess to you that I learned the family secret and it was not Isopa who killed Courmene, though most would believe it of her. Not the final blow. This was when Res would have been but twelve. She took her son and fled to her human lover and first son. There was civil strife throughout Iro. Another family attempted to consolidate control in the islands and only succeeded in ruling half of them. The Seal Rock Islands under Nivel were tempted to invade, but Garabel was still a hostage in the royal palace. Ah, you see, Isopa barely escaped with her one son; she could not have taken the girl with her and succeed in escaping the islands, plus Garabel was surrounded by household troops with her from her homeland. The squabbling leaders of Iro could not dare allow harm to come to their most important bargaining chip. I was not born yet, but my parents remember these events. Nivel did not wish the marriage to go through, and that is part of another secret I shall impart, but the promise of alliance was popular in the Seal Rocks. And Rosser was remembered fondly, so his legacy still protected his daughters.
“I am from the Blue Island.” Here Amabel pointed to the outside of her left thigh. “It is just within territory claimed by Iro, but escaped any of the fighting. Nothing but seaweed farmers. Inconsequential. Other places were not so fortunate. The civil unrest grew so terrible that it attracted the attention of the lords in the Mirror Realm, who were most displeased. Isopa and her sons were recalled, only another…ah, partisan force found them first, ugly business occurred, and there was …a small war. Very small. Only one hurricane hit your shores.” The smile that Amabel gave was as false as those Gislin had offered today, but for a highly different reason. “Garabel had been the one to find her wayward betrothed as he searched the seas with his brother in revenge, and she helped to get him on the throne. Many ballads about that journey, also romantic, a little more violent. The Navel of the World was not safe for human ships to sail upon, more so than the norm, for those few years until Isore and Garabel were enthroned on the Pillar of Iro. And much of the credit must go to Queen Gara. She would approve of Rohese. They are kindred spirits.”
“What of Res?”
“Prince Res idolized his older brother, and the two were very protective of each other. What resentment they might have felt for the other’s existence was played up for outsiders. That in fact is part of my story. But by the time I came to court in Iro, King Isore’s rule was well-established, and a cornerstone of that rule was the army led by his younger brother. Even in the Blue Island we knew of fierce Res, as vicious as the sea wolves. And the Good King Isore who mended peace with the Mirror Realm and had friendship with the fleets of the greensleeves, so that we could have safety above and below the waves, and Queen Garabel, who could handle the magic that is so thick at the waters close to the barrier. There the way that magic pools and twists means that your priestly chants and cleansing rituals would never hold. It is not tainted with void-malice as it is the further you travel from the Navel, but the mists…” Amabel trailed off, sucking in a deep breath through her open mouth. Her eyes unfocused as she stared into something that was not on their horizon. “I do not miss it, Gislin,” she said softly. “As dry as these lands are, and as much woe and pain as humans have caused me, as wretched as it can be, I love them more than the sea. Unsteady ankles and all.”
The cart hit a rut in the road and jolted, knocking Amabel out of her glum spate. With revived false cheer she slapped her lap and turned brightly to Gislin. “And your pigswill roads! Enough! Back to my story!
“Promising children were often sent as students, as you send your children to the priesthood. Like your adopted father, Tenny. I was one such, and partly because of a shipwreck bounty, I was sent with a token of apprenticeship, brand-new belongings, cobbled-together lessons on etiquette, and high hopes. A whale pod escorted me to Iro, but it was a little passed the middle of the night by the time we reached the shoreline of the main island. It was just as beautiful in the moonlight as the dawn. Palace guardsmen recognize who I am and bide me follow them to the palace to meet with King Isore. Formality is different when solely among my kin, and Isore was raised a peasant. Truly you are alike, Gislin. If you were a little lighter, older, and not skinny as a great crane. Still, some propriety should be observed, and…” Amabel trailed off in her story, “ah, remembering this. Listen, I was mortified when while it was occurring, but it is quite funny to look back on.”
“One of these stories,” Gislin said with a drawl.
“Yes, Boy. It’s one of these stories.”
…brainstorming how to describe the fisherman for one character, researching and remembered/came across that article about the horseback fishermen in Belgium. That’s such a great story/world-building idea that I’m using it not only for this but going to incorporate it into Silm fic too. Just, hmm, which Elven group? Or would this be a very Númenorean thing? Ah, yes, especially the Númenorean emphasis on horsemanship adn of love it, and how their later sea-based culture was a secondary development.
send me a ship and i’ll reply with
vomit / don’t ship / okay / cute / adorable / perfect / beyond flawless / hot damn / screaming and crying / i will ship them in hell
Personally, I don’t really see anything wrong with giving Luke to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. What else was Obi-Wan gonna do? (He pretty much raised Anakin and look how that turned out, he’s not gonna risk Round 2.) (He could have given both kiddos to Bail and Breha Organa, actually. Luke and Leia Organa is a cool as heck AU.)
I like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. As much as people like to say Luke really is Padme’s son, he didn’t get those morals from her. (Keeping in mind I have read no comics or novelizations, and not seen the Clone Wars TV show) It’s pretty clear that Luke’s iron spine and goodness and refusal to abandon his friends come from his upbringing. Owen and Beru Lars are kinda the Ma and Pa Kent of the Star Wars universe.
And they are Luke’s family. Owen is Shmi’s stepson. Owen and Beru probably knew Anakin’s mother for years. It’s a neat circle, and in some ways it has the feelings of an apology, for Obi-Wan to bring Luke back to his family on Tatooine in the same way that Qui-Gon took Anakin. Obi-Wan can’t undo what’s been done, and he can’t start over, but he can give Luke what the Jedi denied Anakin: a loving family and normal upbringing.
Tatooine is Darth Vader’s home planet? Yeah, sure, but did Anakin ever go back to Tatooine? (Probably once or twice, I’m guessing, in the comics at least.) Darth Vader hates that place. Bad memories. Damn sand would fuck up his suit. He’d burn it all down and then the Hutts are gonna be pissed. And how many people actually know that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker? Like, about five? (Bail, Obi-Wan, Yoda, R2-D2, and Ahsoka?) Dude is not exactly getting invites to school reunions and the weddings of childhood friends, is all I’m saying.
Even if Darth Vader ever went back to Tatooine, Tatooine is a big place. The Lars Farm is in the middle of nowhere and Obi-Wan is hanging out left of the funky rock five miles past nowhere. Anakin met his stepbrother once in the entire film trilogy and idk if they even exchanged words, much less space e-mail addresses. I kind of doubt that Uncle Owen and Darth Vader are sending each other Life Day e-cards. (That’s really funny, actually.)
Anyway, the point of this rant is that I want you to imagine new parents Owen and Beru Lars caring for toddler Luke, it’s just after Life Day, and someone rings the doorbell. Owen Lars opens up to Darth Vader holding a fruit basket, because he didn’t know what else to do for Life Day and spontaneously decided to visit distant family rather than mope in his Evil Castle again.
(Everything Obi-Wan hoped would never happen, just… happening.)
Owen, after introductions, panicking, “Uh… the suit is… new.”
He has to invite Vader in, because it’s Life Day and how exactly do you tell Darth Vader to fuck off? Then Owen and Beru have a hushed argument in the kitchen while Darth Vader is sitting awkwardly in their living room with a drink that he can’t actually drink but took to be polite. When they come out, they introduce Luke as Luke Whitesun, Beru’s late brother’s kid, which they guess makes Luke… Darth Vader’s… nephew. (They can’t hide him, Vader’s already seen this 2-3 yr old Luke and the house is COVERED in baby and kid stuff.)
And Darth Vader just… fucking falls for it.
And the Lars family has to spend the holidays with Uncle Darth Vader who is super keen to have a step-nephew-in-law. Beru is showing off her cross-stitching to Darth fucking Vader as Luke plays at their feet. Owen is in the kitchen sending a desperate space text to Obi-Wan, who basically has a heart attack on the spot when Owen sends a shitty stealth-pic of Darth Vader on their couch.
Bonus points if the Lars’ don’t even move after this, because Vader left without issue and Uncle Owen afterwards was like, “It turned out fine. I don’t want to move, that’s too much hassle.” So, every major holiday, Luke gets a visit from his Uncle Darth Vader, which works out fine so long as they instigate a “Don’t Talk About Politics” rule when Luke starts getting excited about Rebellions and starts bad-mouthing the Empire (Vader making small talk at a Star Destroyer water cooler to his terrified staff: “Ugh, I’m going to have to debate my liberal 13-yr-old nephew at the dinner table again.”), and Vader even helps with the dishes and stuff, and every time Obi-Wan ages an extra year from stress.
Guys, please, the way this continues is that the general events of the Star Wars universe continue as normal (Leia, having literally just left a space battle: “Darth Vader, the AUDACITY of attacking an innocent diplomatic vessel!”) UNTIL the stormtroopers show up at the Lars Farm. (Luke is desperately chasing down the droids he lost and properly meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi.)
At first, it’s business as usual, y’know? Stormtroopers break down the door and interrogate the occupants and start prepping to burn the place down, and the leader is in the middle of shouting, “TELL US WHERE THE DROIDS A-” when he pauses and just… stares… at the mantlepiece.
Because on the Lars family mantlepiece and walls are, like, a hundred family photos and roughly half of them have Darth Vader in them. There’s Darth Vader wearing a Life Day party hat at a dinner table. There’s Darth Vader holding a toddler and playing with model ships. There’s Darth Vader and a pimply thirteen year old in the stands at the Boonta Eve Classic. There is a cross-stitched pillow on the couch that says OUR FAMILY on it, consisting of a man, a woman, a boy, and Darth fucking Vader.
Stormtrooper Grunt #1: “What… what… what the fuck.”
Aunt Beru, who has HAD it with these guys wrecking her house, already angrily jabbing at their space phone: “I am calling Mr. Vader RIGHT NOW about this.”
Darth Vader, excusing himself from the bridge of his Star Destroyer to take a call from his stepsister-in-law: “Beru. This isn’t a good time-”
Beru: “Well, MAKE TIME, because your stormtroopers broke down our door and tracked SAND all over my nice clean floors and they won’t stop yelling about the droids we just bought! You better have a good explanation for this!”
Darth Vader does not, actually, have a good explanation for this. The stormtroopers can feel his wrath from across the galaxy. It’s a work thing and he’s very sorry and he’ll make the stormtroopers fix their door, but he does really need those droids and could they hand them over, please? He’ll have the Empire compensate them. Yes, he’ll pay them back and send new droids. Yes, kicking doors down is very rude, Beru, you’re absolutely right.
So Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru promise to pick up Luke and the droids, and hop in the spare Landspeeder to go looking for them. Owen is Not Happy to find that Obi-Wan’s given Luke a lightsaber, and Aunt Beru is Not Happy to find out that the Empire’s made some superweapon. Of course they have to get these plans to the Rebellion! Yes, she promised Vader, but he should have told her it was for such a terrible thing! Yes, Owen, they’re all going to Alderaan.
So the Lars family runs away to Mos Eisley and get on the Millennium Falcon to Alderaan, while the stormtroopers are standing around like, “Are they… coming… back???” And Han Solo does not know what the hell is going on or what to do about the Weird Old Wizard talking about “universe-penetrating magic”, or the Grumpy Farmer who keeps trying to fix his “piece of junk” ship that excuse you does not need fixing, or the Sunny Farm Boy waving a light sword around, or the kindly old woman who is currently cross-stitching in his back seat and gossiping with Chewie like he’s not even there.
Later, after the Death Star’s been destroyed, Owen and Beru Lars are now a part of the Rebellion with Luke. Beru sends Darth Vader a piece of fabric in the Space Mail, and it’s the little cross-stitched Vader from her OUR FAMILY pillow who’s been cut out because she’s mad at him. (Except her note says DISAPPOINTED and that’s worse.) Darth Vader is more upset about this than the Emperor being mad at him for the destruction of the Death Star.
This is such a wild ride and I want more.
Please, kind writer, may I have some more?
See, the thing about Uncle Darth Vader is that the Lars family lives in the middle of nowhere Tatooine. Luke has to get his news off his friends, who have to get their news from shitty Space Radio, and the Empire’s suppressing a good three-quarters of the terrible things it does. The Lars family, largely, has no idea who this Darth Vader guy is except that he’s Anakin, who did a bunch of shit in the Clone Wars and he’s evil now? (Obi-Wan is dying, guys. He’s dying.)
Oh, yeah, quick summary: the events on the Death Star proceeded more or less as they did in canon. Except Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t make convincing stormtroopers, so they tagged along with the droids and found the Death Star Laundry Service and dressed up as an Empire officer and his wife on their way to a vacation on Beach Resort Planet. Luke and Han sneaking Leia out is a lot easier with Admiral Lars and his wife loudly complaining to every stormtrooper they come across that their ship isn’t being fixed fast enough and sending stormtroopers marching off in every direction.
(The Empire… does not… have high standards… for officers. It is corrupt as hell. The stormtroopers look at this middle-aged, slightly chubby guy complaining obnoxiously about his ship not being fixed fast enough, and his overbearing wife complaining shrilly about not being able to get their deposit back, and are like, “This is legit. Also, sir, I’m part of sanitation, I don’t fix ships. I don’t know where customer service is… this is a Death Star. We don’t have customer service. Uh, I guess my ‘manager’ would be Admiral Bob??? Oh, well, you’re right, I should go clean up that mess you saw on the other floor. I will agree to literally anything you say to get away from you.”)
So, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru get to the Rebellion, right? (And they have already adopted the heck out of Leia, who has been given ALL the Aunt Beru hugs.) And someone starts listing off ALL of the awful stuff that Darth Vader has done, like, the dude is SUPER EVIL. And the Lars family is just… what. (And it’s a good thing that Obi-Wan is already dead by this point, or Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru would bring him back just to kill him again.)
Luke goes to destroy the Death Star and Vader is just like, “Luke???? What are you doing???” And Luke is ignoring all of Vader’s attempts to comm him and blows up the Death Star while giving his uncle the cold shoulder.
And later, at the Rebellion, people are like “Darth Vader is your uncle???” And Luke’s just like, “YEAH, AND A LIAR!!!” (Later, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru will have a long talk with Luke about the truth and the lies they told. And Luke will forgive them because he loves them and they love him, but this doesn’t really change much, especially about how mad he is at his dad.)
Later, when they finally meet again. The rebels are just… completely stunned… because Darth Vader is desperately trying to get through to Luke, like, “Luke, nephew, please, let’s just talk about this. Beru won’t answer my voice mails. Owen unfriended me on Space Chat. We can talk about this.”
And Luke is angrily shooting at Darth Vader and shouting, “What’s there to talk about?! It’s not like you LIED TO US ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DID BY TELLING US YOU WORKED IN I.T.?!??”
“Luke…”
“YOU DON’T WORK IN I.T.!”
Sometimes writing is like having an enormous lake in your head, and you want to get it out of your head and into a proper place for a lake so other people can come and go swimming and ride jet skis and stuff, except all you have to move the lake is a teaspoon. So you’re just sitting there frantically flinging water out of the lake with your teaspoon and telling people, “Guys, this lake is going to be so cool when it’s done,” but it will never be done. There is so much lake.
Bombshells United is not near the quality of the early Bombshells- downgrade in art, the over-reliance on song (there’s a period from the two last volumes of the first series all the way through a majority of the second where the text is entirely the song narration. stop trying to make this a musical). Major art downgrade. Had to rush and cut plots, and all round weaker. Serious problem there, the oh shit we’re going to be cancels so here’s the single panel of what would have been a character arc, info-dump suddenly all these plot developments, no fleshing out of the ones we do bring up… Dawnstar was a good character, and so many of my favorites were introduced and poised to have page time but got cut down to barest bones, I enjoyed everything with Black Adam, and the last chapter was a return to form. Oh well.