So I just want the stupid fluffy Modern AU ASoIaF fic where Robb comes home nervous and excited to declare he just proposed to his girlfriend Jeyne (Westerling) not just because they’re in love but really more because they just found out she’s pregnant. Ned, Cat, and the rest of the family process this news as Robb and Jeyne walk in. Some didn’t even know he was dating the sweet ER nurse he met after breaking his collar bone. Still, the large family replies of “congratulations,” and “isn’t this a little sudden,” and “c’mon this sounds exactly like something Theon would do”… Misunderstandings and a convoluted game of telephone ensues, where Sansa gasps, “Theon got Jeyne (Poole) pregnant?” and their cousin Jon quietly snarks that it’s still weird as hell that they’re both dating a girl with the same name and vaguely look alike. Sam, Skyping from grad school, nods and refrains from bringing up the Stark ginger fetish. Theon wanders into the Stark family pow-wow because he’s always either crashing at their place or his sister’s, plus the Starks have a working laundry machine, only to be ambushed by Sansa (and Arya, because any excuse to punch people) wanting to know why they weren’t told about Jeyne (Poole) being knocked up. After gaping like a fish for a few seconds, Theon denies it as impossible because they’ve been taking it slow and using protection and haven’t even, past behavior to the contrary, he swears, so stop giving him dirty looks, Sansa. (Robb mutters that this was all Theon’s faulty condoms fault in the first place). Cat invites Jeyne (Westerling) in and as they talk she brings out the baby album to coo over and Jeyne shying fidgets and accidentally reveals way too much information about her and Robb’s sex life. Robb nervously asks his dad for advice, to which Ned, still wearing a neck brace from a bad accident last year, reassuringly pats his shoulder and says, ’“you’ll do fine, son.” Jeyne (Poole) comes over with celebratory cake and laughs at the misunderstanding. Jeyne (W) mentions the doctor says it might be twins. Jon is suddenly very glad he’s stationed far north and thus can escape babysitting duties. Asha, having received the mangled version of events via second-hand text from the Mormonts, calls her dumb-ass baby brother to scream into the cell about ‘how dare he knock up Jeyne (P), she’s so much sweeter and nicer than his usual booty calls, too good for him…’ As the two siblings have a shouting match in the backyard, Jeyne (P) giggles. She and Sansa converge onto Jeyne (W) to start planning wedding details, as Arya ducks out the front door to escape with friends. It ends with another phone call to Theon, this time from the rest of his family. Cue trepidation as he answers, and before he can get a head-start to explain that it’s Robb and his Jeyne (W), his father is demanding to know why he wasn’t informed (Theon can hear his mother in the background weeping “my baby boy” and ‘oh well they knew they’d never get grand-kids from Asha anyway’. His Born-Again Baptist minister uncle is loudly denouncing carnal sin from speakerphone and Theon’s thankful at least one of the other uncles is under a restraining order and Jeyne (P) is only ever allowed to meet his maternal side of the family, he decides.)