Tag: bruce wayne

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Everyone assumes that Bruce is Stephanie’s dad and they both are horrified by it.

“You have a beautiful daughter,” an elderly patron informs Bruce warmly, eyes crinkling.
Bruce doesn’t know he’s saying, “She’s not mine” until he hears Stephanie negating the patron in unison, “Thank you but I’m not his, though.”
They look at each other, dislike evident.
Bruce brushes past both women, muttering an “Excuse me.”
Stephanie snorts. “Not. Yeah not his. Definitely not his. Not his child. Nope.”
–
“Would you please inform your daughter–”
“She’s not mine.”
“I’m not his.”
The official looks pained.
Meanwhile Stephanie looks like she’s holding off gagging, rambling, “Like can you imagine? How gross would that be like? Like, UGH.”
–
“Is this your daughter?”
Bruce throws back a shot while Stephanie shrieks in the background.
“UGH, oh GOD, NO.”
–
“Why did they call you?” Bruce opens his mouth, but Steph interrupts, “Why did you even come?”
“They said there was a problem.”
“My problem. My own problem. This isn’t–”
The nurse comes in. Steph wastes no time notifying him.
“Hi, yes, hello, this man is not related to me and I request he leave the premises.”
The nurse looks down at his sheet. “He was called–”
“Yeah, why did you call him? I’m not related to him, he’s not related to me, we don’t even like each other actually.”
Bruce tips his head. “If the problem is serious enough that it requires my presence–”
“He’s not my dad. YOU’RE NOT MY DAD. I don’t know what he’s even doing here,” she informs the man. She turns to Bruce and orders, “Get out. You are uninvited to this meeting. Grab some coffee on your way out.”
The nurse clicks his pen. “Step-parents work too–”
“He’s not a step-anything! Bruce, get out!”
“What’s his relation to you?”
“Absolutely nothing!”
“I’m the father of her ex-boyfriend,” Bruce explains, reaching out for a handshake.
The nurse shakes his hand and then writes something down. “It’s always nice to have family around.”
“I’m calling Tim,” Stephanie hisses. She yanks her phone out of her purse. “And he is going to yell at you.”
“Tim is the brother?” asks the nurse.
“Tim’s the ex-boyfriend,” Stephanie snaps. “And I’m leaving now.” She walks out of the door, already shouting, “Tim? Come get your father or SO help me God, he will be strangled by his own tie.”
The nurse peers at Bruce. “I can see the family resemblance,” he says seriously.
Bruce grimaces while Stephanie screeches from the hallway, “I’M NOT HIS KID!”

Can you imagine if the family did a “How Well Do You Know Bruce Wayne” Test and Stephanie got the highest score?

“Steph, get off that ledge and come inside.”
“I’m going to kill myself. I can’t ever recover from this.”
“Being the most knowledgeable about Bruce isn’t even that bad. You’re being ridiculous.”
“Tim you ass, you suck at this whole ‘talking me off the ledge’ thing, send Cass out.”
“We’re on the first floor, you will literally fall 3 feet.”
“I could break my femur!”

Tim, flipping through the charts: Though I have to admit, I am a bit impressed. How did you know his favorite musical was Evita?

Stephanie, laying facedown on the floor: [agonized groaning]