stop blaming me for things i have no control over. i’m a good person, i do not deserve to be slandered for this.
also, jason todd: accidental millionaire. indie game designer, who created a free mobile app about batman protecting gotham that lets you unlock ( or buy, if ur that kind of rich motherfucker who spends $$$ on app games ) cool gadgets and upgrades and sometimes, sidekicks. [ oracle is not a sidekick, she is ever present and all knowing, as is the mysterious penny-one. the robins and batgirls come in five and three characterisations that you can upgrade. there is a batwoman, batwing, lark (??), flamebird, huntress, and if you’re lucky catwoman ]. he monetised the game via ads and honestly thought it would not gain traction but gothamites are the loyal kind, also see the one superman interaction in the game:
superman: you know, you could’ve just called for help.
batman: i work alone.
sudden random beeping and then a kid’s voice in a gothamite accent: holy jumpin’ jiminy, batman! is that supes?
batman: *stares into the screen like in the office*
curse u
jason todd is the only batkid that made his own wealth and it was because he was bored and spiteful ok. give me this monstrosity.
this is the style of the game and Discowing is the in-game name of the Nightwing character because Jason is petty.
don’t forget: the birds of prey song that is literally steph and babs and selina singing and it was meant to be a joke and never to be unlocked once you reach level 52 where bruce wayne is suddenly mayor of gotham and catwoman, black canary, and huntress crash the swearing in ceremony because of ~reasons and they sing THAT song because bruce says he’d resign if they do and they do it. and somehow word gets out that the song exists and jason, ofc would take advantage and put it up on itunes to sell it because he needs the $$$ he no longer has daddy’s trust fund and pEOPLE ARE JUST PISSING THEMSELVES LAUGHING AND THE JUSTICE LEAGUE ARE PROTESTING BECAUSE BATMAN!! YOU HAVE TAKEN IT TOO FAR!! CONTROL YOUR KIDS!!
also: imagine it being in the top 40s and becoming a meme. A MEME. jason todd, memelord.
After reaching level 77 players are given an obscure option after defeating the Condiment King.
‘Do you wish to press the button?’
If they press yes this happens and becomes the background music for the game for the next twenty four hours or forever, depending on how vindictive Jason is feeling when he put it in.
in level 100, robin dies. it does not matter which robin you have. they just die. and it reboots the entire game from the start. deleting all your progress, unless you manage to answer the question:
batman based his entire persona on which literary character?
the most common answer is zorro because psh, fanboys. ( the correct answer is the scarlet pimpernel, only 18 have gotten it right so far until SOMEONE ehemehemclarkkentehem panicked over twitter that a nice lady ehemehemarthakentehem told him the right answer ).
if you do however get past the 100, you get a free robin upgrade. yaaay! ( if it’s discowing!robin, coolio. you get discowing. if it’s hood!robin, UNLUCKY YOU GOTHAM IS IN PERIL MWAHAHAHA ALL UR UPGRADES ARE GONE. RESTART FROM SCRATCH ONLY EVERYTHING IS EXPENSIVE AS FUCK. if its restorobin!, well, you lose your robin sorry. if its girl!robin, you get upgraded to batgirl and its great!! if it’s baby!robin, lmao super!robin is here, you gotta control your outta control sidekick, send it to the farm to play with batcow? )
now there’s trolling and then there’s this.
trolling yes, but also!! free press!!!! imagine blogging platforms and avid players panicking because!! they lost their 100 levels progress and have to restart from scratch!!
rage quitting is a thing, or if you’re like me. playing it again until i win. ( the riddler got the answer wrong the first time and took a bank hostage okay; people found it comforting that even batman’s rogues, the ones that know him well, get that shit wrong. there was a three hour time frame where people thought that meant level 100 was the end if the game, bUT THEN SOMEONE HAD TO SPILL THE ANSWER AND NOW PEOPLE ARE AGGRESSIVELY PLAYING AGAIN TO GET TO LEVEL 101,
btw, the commish totally lit the bat signal because the mayor didn’t know the answer and wanted to ask batman. batman just stared. and stared. and stared. until robin pipes up, “tch. it’s sir percy blackeny, you uneducate–” he began just as batman shut him up with a hand and grappled away as gordon’s eyes bugged out.
imagine the Steam release tho. ‘A mobile port’ people think, and shrug and keep playing their mobile app because what’s the point, it’s better on mobile devices anyway.
BUT THEN
Jason doesn’t port the thing he remakes it, so instead of being a mobile app the one released on Steam is an RPG version and he starts trolling with THOSE tropes instead and now everyone has to get both to have the complete experience.
Imagine it tho, RPG batman with like final tantasy inspired sprites, if you have Red Hood on your team he can now access gunblade upgrades because why not.
There’s a point in the RPG version where the following dialogue option occurs –
ARE YOU COMMITTED TO THE CAUSE?
– JUSTICE!!!!!!!
– eh, I always wanted to be a farmer
If the player selects the second the game suddenly becomes a farming game and you can build your batman themed farm and batcow is there. It’s very peaceful but there is no way to go back.
superman is a playable character in the farm game ok, except the farm is in iowa. ( CALL BACK TO THE GOLDEN AGE BRUH, DONT FIGHT ME ) and batcow is a thing.
i support this steam release. and the hundreds of thousands of dollars of revenue it would create, but also.
ARE YOU COMMITTED TO THE CAUSE?
– JUSTICE!!!!!!
-nah, i got kids now.
and then it becomes a rip-off game based of home improvement where batman tries to be a dad and fails spectacularly and has 9 kids and they’re all crazy as fuck and its driving him mad.
Consider: Jake Peralta and Foggy Nelson having an immediate on sight “IT’S FUCKING *THAT GUY*” reaction when they happen to meet in a courtroom.
Consider: That one time Steve Roger’s brought in a guy he caught mugging some tourists and Amy almost sucked the air out of the entire building while she flipped.
Consider: Rosa really wants to bust a real vigilante but all she’s ever got is some little highschool kid in this handmade red and blue thing. It wasn’t even satisfying. >:c
Consider: Gina has Tony Starks personal number in her phone with the programmed ringtone “Stupid Hoe”. No one can figure out why and honestly, no one really wants to know.
Consider: There’s a new guy at Terry’s gym named Luke. He seems nice, but man its a miracle that he didnt break his foot after those weights fell on him.
heget's WordPress 