There are probably worse ways to make a first impression on Batman,
Steph thought giddily, pressing her wadded up cape against the bullet
graze on Robin’s skull. The blow had knocked him unconscious, and the
bullet had cut away hair and skin, leaving a long, jagged scrape that
was currently bleeding copiously over her thighs. She looked down at
her lap and was suddenly reminded of the time when she was thirteen and
she got caught unawares without a tampon or a pad or anything.A dark and ominous presence dropped down beside her.
“Robin,” Batman said, in a voice that crept in the shadows. She totally wasn’t intimidated by it, not even a little bit.
“It’s just a graze, it’s not too deep,” Steph said, lifting her cape
from the wound long enough to let him see for himself. “My, uh, my mom,
she’s a nurse. I know first aid. I think he’s just gonna needs
stitches or staples?”Batman stood, but he kept looking down at Robin, lying in her lap.
“You should go,” Steph blurted. “You’ve got to catch them, Batman!”
Tag: stealth bat otp
a key component of me shipping the batfam rarepair otp that i do is that i can apply it to any and all zombie undead love songs (thanks hozier)
Jason “Grab the samples, grab the samples!” Todd
Stephanie “They’re in my purse already, shut up!” Brown
Bruce: We can afford those just FYI.
“Silence rich boy, and put some in your jacket pockets!”
Bruce wasn’t entirely sure how he’d found himself in this
situation. He was standing in Costco, staring at Jason and Stephanie as they
stole (for that was the only word he could come up with to describe the scene
before him) samples. Steph with her purse open wide, and Jason scooping still
hot chicken sliders into wax paper before tucking them into her bag.They’d made their rounds as they collected the groceries
Alfred had sent them for, trying everything once before moving on. Some of the
boxed foods even ended up in their cart, edamame chosen by Damian, fried tacos
for Steph, and some kind of instant coffee Jason swore Tim would love.When they’d circled back a second time Bruce had assumed it
was because one of his kids had forgotten something they actually wanted. That’s
when his two supposedly responsible (and well fed) wards started stuffing their
pockets.He cleared his throat, “You do know we can just buy a
package, right?”Jason had moved down the line to the pot sticker samples
Bruce had favored fifteen minutes earlier. He glanced up at Bruce and rolled
his eyes. From behind him Steph shoved him forward, towards the table and his second
eldest.“Hush rich boy and open your pockets.”
Caught by surprise, Bruce found himself opening up his
jacket for Jason to dump food into his inside pocket. He squirmed a bit, trying
to pull away from them without stepping on any toes or knocking the food all
over the place.“Careful when you walk so you don’t break anything open.”
Jason grinned at him before holding up a hand for a high five.Bruce gave it to him, still a bit stunned by the events
taking place around him. Jason’s grin widened before he turned and strolled
further down the aisle towards another table empty of employee but filled with
still steaming food.Where was everyone? Minutes ago Bruce hadn’t been able to
walk without stepping over red vested people. Now everywhere he looked there
were only shoppers, not a single helpful employee in sight.Bruce’s heart jumped not quite to double, but close enough
as he realized that Damian was nowhere to be seen. He’d been by his side the
entire trip, even allowing Bruce to hold his hand when they ran into
overexcited people, eager to meet The Bruce Wayne and doubly eager to pinch the
cheeks of the ten year old by his side.“Where’s Dam—” the words broke as a laugh broke through the
90s rock playing overhead.Bruce swiveled his head to see a cart hurtling towards them,
empty of anything but his youngest. Damian’s face was light with a wild grin as
he blew past Bruce, Jason, and Steph. Behind him came a stampede of red,
employees chasing breathlessly after the kid.From his side, Bruce heard Jason whistle. “Remind me to get
the kid double what I promised him.”“Promised him?” Bruce turned on Jason and Steph, unsurprised
to find Steph in the middle of eating one of the sliders from her purse.Jason’s expression read ‘oh crap’ and Steph shrugged, still
chewing. Bruce ran a hand through his hair.“This is why Alfred doesn’t take you to the store anymore,
you know that right?” he said instead of a reprimand. Maybe this wouldn’t fall
on deaf ears.“And it’s why he sent you. Though heaven knows why he
thought you could stop it.” Steph grinned.“He didn’t. He just knew B would bail us out when we got
caught.” Jason picked up the remaining tray of pot stickers and eyed it, like
he was trying to decide if they had room for the rest or not.They were both right, and Bruce hated them a bit for it, but
it was tempered by the image of Damian racing past them on the cart, and the
bright sound of his laughter as he caused chaos. What would it take to get a
copy of today’s footage? He was sure Costco didn’t have any kind of real security,
which made getting a copy of Damian’s smile and Jason’s high five easy. Maybe
he’d take his kids shopping more often.“Flood in the seafood section and all employees be on the
lookout for a boy carrying a bag of live crawfish.”Then again, maybe he’d just ground them all for the rest of
their lives.
Stephanie “YOU NEVER WENT TO PROM?” Brown & Jason “I died at fifteen you fucking nugget” Todd going to Steph’s last prom together as friends
@stephaniebrrown *grease voice* tell me more tell me more
Listen,,
- Jason is like “ugggh whatever fine” when Steph asks him to be her date, so she doesnt expect him at all to drop by her house two days later to ask her what kind of dress she’s going to wear, so he can buy an appropriate suit
- “So…you want us to match” “of course i want us to match, what are we? Grayson? Also, if you say you’re wearing purple im calling this whole thing off”
- “well now that you mention it, i havent bought anything yet. I’m waiting for my paycheck and-” “Are you kidding me? Let’s just hack into Bruce’s bank account and buy something cool and expensive” “I like the way think, Joanne the scammer. Jason the scammer. Jasnner the-ah c’mon that was a funny one!”
- Stephanie does end up wearing a purple dress (no, not purple. My bad. Eggplant)
- Jason goes along with an eggplant dress shirt, cute as a button
- (Bruce calls Jason a week later, “you know you could have asked me, right? I wouldn’t have said no” “and where’s the fun on that? the robbery? the fraud?”)
- imagine this: they show up dressed to the nines, with sunglasses and walking in sync. They probably think they look cool, the pair of nerds.
- (though they look amazing so nobody really thinks they look like dorks)
- When Jason gets asked if they’re dating he’s like “she’s a sister from a different tomb” “uh, don’t you mean womb?” “i know what i said my guy”
- ON A SIMILAR NOTE, they definitely get the dj to play thriller, and Steph records Jason dancing to it. She probs sends it to everyone with the caption “back to his roots :~)”
- they’re the assholes who get in the middle of couples yelling “leave space for jesus!!”
- (they make a competition out of it, see who annoys more couples)
- They take some pictures with Harper (who brought Cass as her date), and have like three dances off with them
- “If you dab Brown, i swear to go-oh my god i don’t know you”
- one of Steph’s classmates is like “not to sound rude but you have such a type Steph! He looks like a more handsome version of Drake!”
- (Jason wheezes and has to excuse himself out of the conversation) (Then begs Stephanie to let him use that against Tim)
- ( “if you tell him, i’m showing everyone the video of one of the chaperones pinching your cheeks” “yOU SAID YOU WEREN’T FILMING THAT”)
- at some point, right before leaving, they also make the dj play Grease songs, because they love musicals and they just had to show off their dance moves okay? You haven’t lived unless you have seen them dancing You’re the One that I Want
- they leave early to grab burgers and milkshakes on a diner near the school. The music was already giving Jason a headache, and Steph’s heels were killing her
- they end up taking more pictures on the diner, with the waitress judging them for spilling milkshake on their expensive clothes, than in the prom
OK no but seriously, after they leave they win prom queen and prom king and there’s just silence, because they’re not there until someone in the crowd speaks up and says they’re out getting milkshakes and live-tweeting it and it’s just Legendary. Like they don’t even realise the impression they’ve left coz they were just busy having a good time.
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