crocordile

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heckofabecca replied to your post:

“exactly in character” qhdhjahaid I Laughed

The more I started writing about ‘hey this is horse theft, wait I know because of Wild West and Welsh and English medieval laws that that is huge no-no because here’s the logic for why this shit was worse than normal theft or regular murder – oh wait. This is also why I get so enraged when people aren’t appropriately outraged at the murder and theft of the Swanships and why objectively on impact to the victims of said crime the stealing of the Swanships was a hell of a lot worse than stealing the Silmarils.’

Look, do you believe Fëanor “I must stop my half-brothers from following me” wouldn’t be petty enough/planning ahead to make sure to steal their horses too?

crocordile

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Horse Theft

I’m here having dinner in this big can and hysterically trying not to laugh omfg

image

Confession: I had to stop myself from going full style like Whatcha Gonna Call It? with parenthetical snarky asides and quips, though if the great unfulfilled horse caper planning section gets expanded into a longer paragraph, I make no promises.

this is amazing ahhh, wow I love the variation of the horses in Beleriand and how little things that we don’t think of are BIG PROBLEMS!!!! i love this <3

Tweaking it and seeing if maybe expanding on the end bit to post it as a proper fic to AO3. But yes. What can be more me but the elaborate overthinking of what specific animal breeds by population and need one would find in the First Age?

I know the quote specifically says more strength and vigor thanks to living in Valinor and long swords as the reason behind the victory of the Battle-under-the-Stars, but the quote about the Noldor’s superior horses and the general background framework of late antiquity/medieval period for Arda – it is the most natural and obvious conclusion to think -Noldor war strength = greater heavy cavalry. Their preference for stone castles and Tolkien’s, well, Anglo-Saxon love, that the Noldor are the Normans invading England with their better cavalry at Hastings…again I thought this was blindingly obvious. Then to think- okay the ONLY way horses from Valinor get to Beleriand is Fëanorians loading them onto Swanships. And Maglor’s horse troops support this. But then you have Fingolfin and Fingon just as if not more strongly associated with horses – aha those horses were obviously part of a reconciliation gift, probably passed over along with the Noldor High Kingship. (Then thinking hey wait I have Fingon as an equestrian in Valinor -sister and father too that this isn’t a post-Beleriand development – they probably certainly brought their horses with them on the initial Flight from Tirion. Then the next obvious step- Fëanor was stealing everyone’s horses when he also took the ships. That is exactly in-character for him. And it is almost exactly the same act as taking the Swanships and denying this transportation to the majority of the Noldor under his half-brothers/nephews. And ties into the reason why horse theft was considered one of the worst crimes in Iron Age up through medieval and post-medieval and even American Wild West – to murder someone is bad. To strand someone without transportation or livelihood or what was needed to help grow food and survive is worse.)

So then it’s the question of what are the native Beleriand horses- that yes the Sindar did have domesticated horses- this would be a pre-Great Journey development. How rare it was I debated (Sunless world and all that)- but Morogth’s invasion would limit the numbers regardless. So then it was: what breeds? The tarpan as the original European wild horse was where I started, and from cave paintings the common coat colors were bay and black and leopard spotting- though the mousey grullo and light dun are what you see on ‘primitive’ feral or wild horses today. Dorsal eel stripes and zebra-like leg markings. Still- black and bays for forest horses -aha of course that would also be true for Beleriand! Exmoor and Sorraia ponies for most of the looks- Beleriand has a relatively cold climate and it’s either forests, highlands, or steppe. As said, the Marshes of Nevrast around Linaewen have Camargue horses because white horses running across the shallow water is classic romantic imagery and very apropos to Tolkien. The leopard spotting was a classic and popular coat pattern of medieval and Baroque horses and is an ancient look even if nowadays mostly associated with American Appaloosa (Oh wait, Sindar elves having something in common with Native Americans, at least in the Romantic imagery? It’s not like Tolkien never suggested that sarcasm).

Valinorean horses, aside from the ‘taller, more special and magically infused blah blah’, the climate was more equatorial and the constant light says to me they would have been more like a hot-blooded desert breed with light thin skin. Not full on Arabians, but idk, Akhal-Teke. Then again, these ‘Oriental-type’ horses are relatively short.

And open fields and stone castle Noldor need fields for growing crops, which means plough animals. Horses were not the most common plough animal until after the medieval period, but I was only overthinking horses in Beleriand today, not cattle.

Shoeing horses is definitely a Noldor invention.

Horse Theft

“We need horses,” Prince Fingolfin said, and to which the gathered princes of his host agreed.  Some heads nodded more vigorously than others, but no one present at his council refuted his statement.  The boost to mobility and size against the orcish army had been well-proved by the cavalry victory of the sons of Fëanor before the moon arose.  Novices the Noldor still were to warfare, yet the example of Lord Oromë and Nahar had affixed the righteousness of facing Morgoth’s pawns from horseback in their minds even before the return to Beleriand’s shores and recent history had die-cast it in lead.  Aranwë as acting secretary for the council meeting recorded the lack of horses at the top of a priority list, above the need to locate good iron ore and stone to build strong fortifications.  Plans to rectify their need remained unwritten.

Only the sons of Fëanor and their followers possessed any horses, for they had transported the animals aboard the stolen Swan-ships.  It had proven impossible to herd any creature across the frozen darkness of the ice desert, and the followers of Fingolfin and Finrod had not attempted to do so.  Nor had they any horses or other beasts of burden remaining in their possession to attempt to take with them across the Helcaraxë after Fëanor had betrayed the host by taking the fleet and then abandoning them.  Fëanor and his followers had loaded all the animals that the Noldor had the foresight to bring in that hurried flight onto the largest of the Swan-ships before he disembarked in secret.  "They would have stolen the chickens, had we brought them,“ Egalmoth said, a joke that Aranwë and Ecthelion often repeated.

To his best friend, Turgon privately confided that his brother Fingon was as wroth at the theft of his beloved steed as to the general betrayal at Losgar.  Finrod believed it, for he had taken part in drafting and revising the proposals for possible reconciliation that Fingolfin sent to Maglor after learning of what had transpired before their arrival.  At the top of the list of demands was the return of Fingolfin and Fingon’s horses.  Finrod’s personal missives to his cousins across the lake were short, sympathetic notes that strongly urged Maglor to submit to their uncle and accept these peace terms.  Words of disgust and disappointment had been restricted to unsent first drafts.  Quick warnings and reminders to ensure nothing unfortunate happened to Fingolfin and Fingon’s horses -and relief that they had not been among those lost to Ossë and Uinen’s wrathful retaliation- went above the signature.

Turgon’s personal opinion was that food was a more pressing demand, though he conceded to Finrod that plough animals would greatly increase the production of arable land, and thus horses would be a boon.

The Sindar elves of this new mist-laden land did possess horses, though the animals were few and far between because of the onslaught of the army of Morgoth.  Herds of thousands had been slaughtered by the orcs, and most of the surviving animals had been rescued by taking them south into the protection of the Girdle or by fleeing east and then south.  The horses and other livestock that the Sindar herdsmen had been able to protect and hide from the orcs were therefore all the more precious and guarded. 

In any case, the native horses of Beleriand were smaller creatures than the Noldor were accustomed to, almost uniformly of a black or bay coloration, though some had a lighter dun coat, with sporadic stripes and spots, and universally with a long black stripe down the back.  Their heads were large and ungraceful, eyes small and dark, and the manes and tails thick and coarse.  Prince Fingon disparagingly likened them to donkeys and asses, yet he was first to entreat the Sindar who still owned horses to allow him to examine the surviving animals and worked tirelessly to assist in their care and tend to lingering wounds.  Suspicion of the Noldor prince swiftly faded the longer he spent rubbing salves into festering cuts and asking earnest questions about each animal’s temperament and history.  Fingon would return to camp late for council meetings with mud caked to his knees and hands smelling of unfamiliar stringent healing herbs.  His father did not bring attention to his eldest son’s absence from the meetings, and Aranwë only bothered to send copies of the council discussions and recordings to Turgon. Fingon’s interest back in Valinor had heavily skewed towards all forms of equestrian competition, a passion he had shared with Aunt Lalwen, and no one was better at creating an instant rapport with the animals.  Unlike gregarious and charismatic Turgon, his older brother Fingon had always very few friends, and those few but close bonds of friendship had mostly been forged in the paddock fields or as friendly rivalries in the equestrian sports. 

Angrod’s wife, Edhellos, had bred and raised horses, selling the finest to the various princes, and the renown of her animals and the smoothness of their specialized gaits had been second only to a rival family that pledged loyalty to the eldest of Finwë’s sons back when the political split in Tirion began to widen.  Of the horses paddocked in the Fëanorian camp, she had personally bred or trained the majority and could detail the names and pedigrees of the remainder.  Edhellos would glared across the lake in the direction of those stolen horses, murmuring dark and vicious words too low for any to hear.  Then to quell her hate temporarily she would visit the Sindarin herds, though that had the opposite effect of only inflaming her jealousy.  “We need horses,” Angrod said to his older brother, “for my marriage depends on it.”

Finrod enlisted Turgon’s help in conferring with the leaders of the Sindar elves in Nevrast about possible purchases of some of the remaining horses.  Sheltered in the marshland around the lake in eastern Nevrast, multiple herds of these smaller gray and white horses -ponies, truly- had survived.  The horses of Nevrast were too short to be comfortably ridden by the taller Noldor; Turgon in particular looked comical standing next to one- but for pack animals and pulling farming equipment they would more than suffice.  And they were more aesthetically pleasing than the other breeds native to Northern Beleriand, if the princes were honest.  Edhellos praised their even temperaments, muttering about the princes’ obsession with flashy animals.  "A high trot and shiny coat will not do us any good, but trying to fight afoot or furrow a field by hand would be worse.  And our options are limited.”  Finrod began to divvy some of the jewelry he had carried across the Helcaraxë to people he trusted, sister-in-law Edhellos and his childhood friends Edrahil and Heledir chief among them, to bargain for horses under the name of King Fingolfin.  Turgon had a strong reputation with the leaders in Nevrast, bolstered by Fingon’s rapport with the herdsmen, yet the price per head was steep, and only a few of the horses were willing to be parted with. 

“And you thought I was foolish for carting those jewels across the ice,” Finrod teased as Heledir trotted a string of mares and yearlings through the Cirith Ninniach from Nevrast into Hithlum, the hoof-beats echoing strangely through the narrow passage above the fast-moving stream.

According to a helpful Sindar herdsman named Annael, yes, the natives of Beleriand did have ‘tall horses’.  The King of Beleriand, Elu Thingol, was taller than even Prince Turgon, and needed a refined and spirited mount equal to his stature.  There was a royal herd of leopard-spotted destriers, horses as strong and swift as any son of Nahar, but they could not be found north of the Ered Wethrin.

Still the existence across Lake Mithrim of the Valinorean horses, tall and strong and more than a few stolen, tormented those that brooded over them and the necessity of horses in the war effort against Morgoth. 

This goaded Heledir to make the suggestion one night to Angell and a few other warriors of his acquaintance that they should cross the lake in secret and rustle horses.  The idea was eagerly embraced.  Secret plans were made, getaway routes carefully examined, Edhellos consulted and inducted into the conspiracy along with her husband, and rope stockpiled.  Her desire was more revenge-motivated than the others, but as Heledir teased, it was better to have her with them than attempt without, and this kept Edhellos from just marching across the lake to scream into Caranthir’s face.  They debated if more than one raid would be necessary, and how many additional riders to guide the herd along the route.  Angell began to evaluate the recruits he was training for willingness to engage in subterfuge and ability to ride the purchased Nevrast ponies.  Also firmly debated was the merits of stealing the personal mounts of the sons of Fëanor.  Edrahil procured more terrain maps and dissuaded Aranwë from scrutinizing the supply requests.  Food for the extra horses was set aside.  Angrod promised to cover the conspirators in any political fallout with his elder brother or Prince Fingolfin.  The return of prizes like Fingon’s Arocco would grant them clemency, they decided.  To safeguard the reclaimed horses, the plotters considered the necessity of driving the herd across Hithlum deep into the protected territory of Nevrast.  The rustled horses could be easily hidden there, yet such a course of action would necessitate Turgon’s involvement.  As a compromise, Lady Aredhel was inducted into the conspiracy.  Of the other would-be thieves, she was the most enthusiastic and ambitious by far. 

Thankfully Fingon returned from his daring rescue of Maedhros, facilitating a more genuine probability of reconciliation between the two Noldor camps and the eventual goodwill gesture of the return of several horses and additional livestock.  Thus the raid was unnecessary (and plans detailing its existence denied).

(AO3 Link – fic updated)

komadoriwonder:

jerseydevious:

i’ve always felt an inexplicable sense of familiarity with jim gordon. when i look at him, it’s like déjà vu, right? i feel, in my heart, as if i’ve met this white-haired, kind-hearted, endlessly exhausted man before. and i kept thinking, where would i know a man like jim gordon from? who do i know that has integrity like that? a trench coat that is quite that fly? a moustache that has, how would you kids say it, the juice? who could ever compare to jim gordon, a man who exudes equally the ability to bitchslap and the tiredness of being bitchslapped.

but i was thinking of colonel fucking sanders the whole goddamn time

[softly, but with a lot of feeling] for fuck’s sake…

A Definitive List of Why I Feel Like Florida Isn’t A Real Place

thecheshirecass:

babyslime:

smileymelodee:

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name:

theunacceptablepylades:

iamtehzuul:

princessofharte:

ryuuenx:

key–of–destiny:

impureimpulse:

floridagothic:

Here is a list of random facts about Florida that prove exactly how weird of a place it is without the news stories.

In the north west there is a waterfall. The water falls from a stream for 90ft into a sink hole and disappears into the earth.

The capital of the state is filled with ancient live oaks and every spring the city turns yellow with pollen. The pollen is like a plague on the population. Even people without allergies develops allergies living there.

You’ll be floating down a river in a boat or on an inner tube when you see something fall from a tree ten feet away from you. You scramble out of the water as you see that the what you thought was a limb is now a water moccasin swimming past you.

Extensive systems of tunnels fill the landscape. They’re the hard work of the gopher tortoise. You know to never reach into one of these gopher tortoise borrows. They’re filled with rattlesnakes.

The largest native snake in Florida can reach lengths of about six or seven feet long. It is appropriately named the indigo snake for the blue sheen its black scales. Have no fear though. It is non venomous. Despite this fact, it’s diet includes rattlesnakes.

In the south, two invasive species of snakes are cross breeding to form an aggressive giant. This monstrosity will even feast on alligators.

There is a forest surrounding a spring populated with monkeys. The monkeys are not native to the state or the region. They were brought here as an attraction and left on a small island in the middle of a river. No one realized they could swim.

There are dozens of places claimed to be fountains of youth located throughout the state. One is in the north east in the oldest city in the state. It’s also the oldest European city in the country.

Ancient fish populate the rivers throughout the state. They can reach sizes of up to 10 ft in length and weigh over 300lbs. They’re jaws are like that of an alligator.

The cypress trees turn the water tannic and black. The water is so opaque you can’t see but six inches deep.

I never knew the USA had a mini Australia of its own.

@ryuuenx

MINI AUSTRALIA OH MY GOD

Bull sharks swim in our springs sometimes. They’re the only shark that can tolerate fresh water.

Twice a year, black “love bugs” come out from wherever they’re hiding and do nothing but mate. They look like catdog with how they walk. Their dead guts mess up car paint worse than bird poop.

Hurricanes, water spouts, and tornados are pretty common.

There are projectors in every classroom because when Jeb Bush was our governor, he wanted everyone in the state to be taught by one teacher per subject.

There’s at least one strawberry festival every month, but the best ones are in March. There are at least two manatee festivals a year.

Most of the animals from one of the Tarzan live action movies live in the state, usually at state parks. The hippopotamus is named Lucifer and he is a legal Florida resident. He likes watermelons.

There’s no way to live in Florida without the outside becoming the inside. There’s nothing you can do about it. Spiders and palmetto bugs will get inside no matter how much you spray or what pest company you use. Frogs and lizards will appear in your bed and bathtubs with no explanation. Snakes will somehow make it 200ft into a company building through 3 locked doors. It’s a mystery.

Walking to your car every morning with an arm raised cautiously in front of you as you go. No it’s not a Nazi salute, you’re preparing to walk through unexpected spider webs. The one day you don’t do it is the day you walk into one. That web is easily 6 feet in circumference.

Praying for the day the city finally starts spraying for mosquitoes.

Being that poor asshole that lives in the county where they don’t have a budget to spray for mosquitoes.

FUCKING GREY SQUIRRELS

Driving 45 minutes to an hour one way for work is pretty common. Driving 2 hours one way is not unheard of.

Pretty sure it’s impossible to be more than an hour and a half away from the coast.

It’s actually 91 degree F outside, feels like 110, and you’re wearing a sweater in your clerical office because they set the A/C to 68. Condensation on building windows is a common occurrence in the summer.

Long-term residents genuinely do not give two fucks about a hurricane unless it’s a category four. Three-hour afternoon squalls can do more damage than a category two. You can drive through a category one and not even realize you’re under an alert until you see the news the next morning.

That feel when you’re new to Florida and driving through an afternoon rainstorm for the first time, and the wipers are on high, you’re doing 20 mph, and you still can’t see.

That feel when you’re a long-term resident and some friends from out west come visit and comment on how dark the sky is, and you’re like bitch, that’s barely gray, does your sky never actually turn black during a rainstorm? There are literally storms that roll through that make it feel like night has fallen at 11 in the morning, it’s terrifying when you’re not used to it.

Seriously everyone in Florida is pretty immune to the idea of death, we walk past it constantly

Of the top 30 cities in the US with the most lightning, Florida has 17 of them.

Florida loves food festivals. In addition to the above mentioned strawberry festival, there’s also multiple seafood festivals, a peanut festival, giant shiitake mushroom festival, several chocolate festivals, a kumquat festival, a zucchini festival, and festivals for corn, honey, wine, swamp cabbage, sour oranges, pumpkins, tomatoes, catfish, pigs, watermelon, oysters, grapes, flan and a hell of a lot more.

Did I mention palmetto bugs are 2 inch roaches that can fly

@ghostzzy what the fuck

@chilling-like-dylan you doing okay down there?

What even is this place?

Paging @pushtheheart and @altarflame

Lived there for ten years. Can confirm.

surprise-bitch-its-ob:

yarnzipangirl:

…so can someone explain to me how Hippolyta literally ordering Diana not to get training, THEN not to get involved with Man’s world and then telling her “they don’t deserve you” and that she is her ‘greatest sorrow’ for leaving when, after capitulating on the first one, she’s been training her for years, knowing she’s a goddess and that millions have already died and more could follow, having an army she could send with her and sending nothing, this is totally understandable… but Jon Kent telling his untrained ten year old alien refugee kid who they used to worry might not be able to survive the atmosphere… ‘maybe you shouldn’t endanger yourself I dunno I don’t want the world to hurt you’ to save tops 20 people and Martha telling him that he literally doesn’t ‘owe’ anyone for EXISTING when the world was ready to toss him to the wolves to save itself AND they’ve spent the last year or so being awful about him is… not?

The thought occurred to me last night and I’m seriously trying to figure out why everyone threw a fit about the second one but everyone can see the parental, protective love that’s a part of the first one.

And this is NOT bashing WW.  It’s a lovely scene! And important!  I can 100% sympathize with Hippolyta.  I’m more commenting on the REACTION to it.  Like, that first one with Jon, it came off rough, but even the Martha line got SERIOUS flack when the trailers for BvS came out.  Seriously.  What the heck is the difference?

because people are so used to telling little girls “no don’t do that” “you shouldn’t do that” “I don’t want you to do that” and for little boys, they’re allowed to explore and expected to take up “heroic” aka “manly” responsibilities. Also it’s been such a given that male heroes get told it’s their duty to help those in need or to save the day no matter their personal feelings, especially if they have the ability (”with great power…”)

I think beyond what Jonathan told young Clark, people just didn’t want to see a young, struggling, conflicted Clark. They just wanted to see the baby arrive on Earth, and then see the grown up become the hero they’re used to. 

Also, Wonder Woman didn’t show humanity rejecting a powerful being, because audiences are so used to superheroes that they assume the general population would embrace someone with powers being a hero. So they were like “yeah finally a (DCEU) movie that gets it right.” But MoS and BvS took the ultimate realistic approach on how a godlike being and brutal vigilante would get treated, and people probably took it as an insult that the filmmakers rightly assumed how horribly humanity would act toward heroes like that.

Your specialty as a fic author: delicious, well-thought-out headcanons and backstories for minor characters.

Thank you, lovely anon, for this answer!

..not sure if the use of the specific adjective “delicious” is a direct reference to the Elwing is introduced to Falmari cuisine fic, because my gut feeling says it is. And minor characters (and OCs) are probably my bread and butter, though in my defense, I have written fics centered around Elu Thingol, who despite fandom prejudices, is one of the most central characters in the Silm and probably has some of the most page time second only to Morgoth – so it’s not only minor characters. Ah, who am I kidding? Characters so minor they don’t even have names, and I rush out like Batman seeing an orphan with crime-fighting potential to adopt them.